When I feel off center I become overwhelmed. When I become overwhelmed I literally can not get words written. If you’ve reached out to me you have probably experienced this.
Joey has what is considered a post op/surgical complication. You can read about “it” here: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chylothorax
He’s been inpatient since the 10th, and we may be here a bit longer. If you know ANYthing about him, it’s that he does things at his own pace – whether that be fast or slow. He very obviously needs this time to heal, and I am more than happy (more like insanely grateful) to give it to him.
He’s got two chest tubes, but other than a couple of pieces of flare (monitoring devices), he’s contraption free. No more oxygen, no more IV). He spends his days being a baby, and has been crowned the happiest cranky baby there ever was. He’s a relentless flirt, and can’t seem to stop himself from smiling at the world.
I spend my days joyfully and fiercely parenting, which can be a challenge in the ICU. Advocating, protecting, loving – all while laughing a LOT.
My lesson, again, is love. Nursing my babies is a drug for me. I get this incredible opportunity to experience the depth of my love, how deeply I desire to connect. I have learned that I can experience this by simply sharing space with my boys – and my heart dances with so much, the words are out of my reach…
My lesson, this lifetime, probably all of mine, is love. I feel most alive when I let myself feel it – and this kind of love is not something that can be expressed with anything other than my soul. At least not yet.
Joey is kicking my ass, bringing me to places of self exploration and feeling that I didn’t believe were in me. And Malcolm, he’s holding my string, so very tightly right now.
So, when I say I love you – please know that my heart feels it at the same. That you are SO important to me. And my gratitude to you, everyone of you that has reached out, donated, and supported us is felt so deeply.