So much for a once a week video – that didn’t exactly pan out.  Sorry I’ve been away, there’s been a lot of non-medical/no hospital trip crap happening, just logistical life stuff. 

I’d like to say that those logistics are just things that happen, with no roller coaster – but is that ever really true?

So many details, but the basic high level view is that we’ve had a lot of financial reconfiguration to do and had to put our house on the market to avoid foreclosure.  Scary, and a relief.  What came with that was a fear of not knowing where we were going to be.  That’s a hard space to be in for me, I felt scared and inadequate of not having a home and plan figured out for my family.  The idea of leaving Troy for a quiet place was overwhelming, and the process of finding a new home, a new preschool for Malcolm and new therapists for Joey – woah.  THANKFULLY I am never in this alone.  I get so many reminders of who I am and where I’ve been, that suddenly things aren’t as scary anymore.  That fear literally seeps out of my feet and into the ground and I feel my chest explode open and my laughter returns.  Life is a trip.

I’ve been experiencing these moments of the truest clarity – the things that I have been taught are actually coming to fruition in my body.  The joyful understanding on a cellular level that every moment is fleeting, feeling that in both my moments of sorrow and in absolute joy is freeing.  The realization, again on the that cellular level, of how powerful the vibration between all of us is.  How when you are who you are without the layers of muck you are able to feed and feel the healing of yourself and those you love.  The way that has been sitting in my body since we arrived at our new home is intense. I am grateful that these shifts continue.

(sometimes it can be hard to share this stuff, I hope it makes sense)

I am happy to be back with you in this way.  I get to sit at this desk, look out this window and see green, I can feel my heart in it.  There is a magnolia tree just out my back door, I love it so much and haven’t even seen it in bloom yet.

Malcolm Turns FOUR
Malcolm Turns FOUR (such an odd picture, I love it)

Malcolm just started a new preschool, we are still in a holding pattern with Joey’s therapy, I’m really looking forward to getting back into a true groove with writing (this feels choppy) and Chris and I are learning to navigate our new town. Malcolm and I went to the grocery store the other day and passed a cow farm, you could smell the poop.  I started telling Malcolm about where I grew up, and how much I (don’t judge) LOVE THAT SMELL.  His response?  “When I was a kid and I was growing up there were 15 Targets”.

I am so happy to be here.

Here is a Joey sighting – teething sucks.


2 thoughts on “Whoops

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